


Unbroken Redux

by Lurkete



Series: Unbroken Redux [1]
Category: Legend of the Seeker
Genre: AU of an AU, Alternate Universe, Arranged Marriage, F/F, Fluff and Crack, Lady Rahl, The Thing™
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurkete/pseuds/Lurkete
Summary: What if the 'Unbroken' episode went a liiiittle bit different.The crack fic that went awry.





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> An old LJ fic that I'm moving here.
> 
> rhyfeddu and ivanolix, were a source of inspiration, I can't even remember why.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zedd finds out that he's not in Kansas anymore and Khalan and Cara wife each other.

He should have known, he should have known that the Mord’sith was not to be trusted.  
  
****

She was too calm, too calm by far, and still, yes… much too still - and not just because they had tied her to a tree.  
No-one could possibly stand that still while such a powerful spell was flailing about their heads - at least not with that level of tranquility (a tranquility marred only by a trademarked superior smirk) no one that is, but one Cara Mason - Mord’sith extraordinaire, this time with a second helping of ‘sith - courtesy of one Darken Rahl and his extra evil, powerfully magicked, sisters-of-the-dark upgraded, Agial of anguish.

It’s the smirk that should have tipped him off, but at that point he was too invested in the spell to properly pay attention to the victim. Even when said "victim" had been covertly slinking out of her ties for the last 5 minutes.  
_Note to self_ , Zedd thinks, _do not use rope to tie a Mord’sith, they are just too experienced with knots._

At some point the skies darkened and the world started to spin, that’s the moment that Cara - now freed from her binds – chose to leap at him with murderous intent only to be stopped by Richard who met her mid-leap with a full body tackle that slammed the both of them back into the tree.  
There was a flash of white light and then the world faded away.

 

 

 

Only to be replaced by a wedding.

Zedd is suddenly overcome with a feeling of vertigo and for a moment he concentrates only on standing up right.  
When he finally manages to retain his bearings he is astounded to see Dennee, alive and beautiful with her long blond tresses contrasting with her 'Confessor’s blacks'.  
She looks to be officiating over the ceremony and Zedd takes a moment to try and widen his vision form its fuzzy tunneled perspective.

Is.. is that Kahlan? It can’t be, but it is.  
The Mother Confessor is decked out in a beautiful wedding dress that looks like a cross between her Confessor regalia and a royal gown. Her hair is made up but the majority of it is still flowing freely down her back.

In front and facing her stands… Zedd nearly faints.

Cara. Only not.  
And slowly the wizard's vision expands to include the disturbing sight of a dozen Mord’sith in full leather attire as well as another dozen Confessors, all in black, standing in attendance all around them - making sure that the crowd doesn’t get to close to the intended couple.  
Cara is wearing the traditional D’haran red vest over tight black breaches and high boots. Her braid is long - almost as long as Kahlan’s wild locks - though it is not twisted at the crown of her head in the traditional Mord’sith manner. Her Agials however are very much present and strapped to her left thigh.

"Wizard? Is everything all right?" Cara asks impatiently.  
  
"Cara…"

Kahlan clears her throat. "Everyone’s waiting," she stage-whispers at him.

Zedd blinks. In the background birds chirp.

"This is the people’s palace, what are we doing here?"

"I think Zedd’s gotten into the Ambrosia a little early," Kahlan tries to cover for him.

"Grandfather…" Zedd hears from the sidelines and his eyes widen when he sees Richard standing with a look of concentration on his young face. "The Ring…"

"It’s in your left sleeve," Cara says as if she is talking to an especially dim witted child.

Zedd shuffles through the garment as if in a dream, eventually his fingers touch on metal. Slowly he pulls out a golden band topped with a brilliant red stone.

Cara takes the ring and mechanically puts it on the Mother Confessor's finger. "With this ring I bind my nation in peace, wealth and might - with yours."

Dennee steps forward. "In the eyes of The Creator, you are now joined as spouses and diarchs for all eternity, your lands are now as one."

The two woman shuffle for an awkward moment and eventually settle on a chaste kiss to each other’s cheek. In the background Zedd can hear bells ringing and a crowd going wild.

_This_ … Zedd thinks, _might be a problem_.


	2. Part II

Breakfast is an awkward affair consisting of a long table and a lot of silence. Zedd noticed that the newlyweds arrive from different entrances.   
_So they haven’t spent the night together_ , he thinks. _Good this can still be salvaged_. He looks around for Richard but the boy is nowhere to be found.   
After a while Cara rises to leave, she asks Kahlan if she’ll be needing her for anything today. Kahlan thanks her politely and answers no before rising herself to leave.  
  
Zedd catches up with the Mother Confessor in the corridor outside the dining hall.  
  
“Kahlan, Listen to me, I _really_ need you to give me a quick summery of our recent adventures together."  
  
“Zedd I don’t have time for this, I need to get to the audience hall."  
  
“Kahlan, _please_ , this is important, you just need to trust me on this,” Zedd pleads.  
  
“Okaaay…well, about four years ago Dennee and I came through the Western boundary in search of a wizard that could name a new seeker. Turns out that wizard was you, and that Seeker was me.”  
  
“You? What about Richard?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Richard, Richard Cypher."  
  
“Oh! You mean your grandson, yes, I remember him now. At first I think you thought it might be him but turns out he couldn’t cut it, something about not having enough rage…I don’t know, anyways, we took off to the Midlands to stop Darken Rahl from acquiring all three boxes of Orden; I rallied all remaining forces loyal to Adendril and managed to muster quite a sizable army if I do say so myself,” she says with a bit of a cocky smirk.  
  
“You…had an army.”  
  
“Well, of course. I _am_ the Mother confessor,” she answers with a patient tone.  
  
Zedd purses his lips.  
  
“We had many adventures trying to procure the Boxes while at the same time foiling Darken’s plans, good times, good times,” the Mother Confessor continues with a fond smile. “In the end it didn’t even end with war. Turns out the Mord’sith – aside from being fed up with Darken’s crazy shenanigans and failed sachems – were slowly but surely being wiped out by Darken’s own hand, apparently he was positive they’re entrails where the most potent for reading the future through anthropomancy,” Kahlan explains in disgust.  
  
“Obviously it didn’t help him because eventually a couple of them got their heads out of her asses long enough to see the larger picture and decided that while they are eternally loyal to Lord Rahl, nowhere does it specify who that lord Rahl should be. And so the followers decided to elect who they should follow before they would all be extinct."  
  
Zedd exhales the breath he did not know he was holding. “That’s amazing,” he says in bewilderment.  
  
“Darken never saw it coming,” Kahlan continues. “He was so busy trying to predict and counter our moves that he didn’t see the backstabbers before they had their Agiels firmly through his heart."  
  
“And then they elected Cara?” he asks.  
  
“Well, obviously they elected her beforehand; otherwise she wouldn’t be able to take over the power of the Rahls."  
  
“Wait, so she really is a lord Rahl?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“How?”  
  
“Powerful Magic.”  
  
“Of course. So then what happened?”  
  
“Well, the D’Harans promised not to cause any more trouble in return for me not using the boxes to enslave their collective wills. That was two years ago, I only met her briefly at the signing of the Kern accord, but apparently this Cara Rahl is a good leader since D’Hara has been flourishing under her reign. We had always communicated extensively via blood-journal, mostly over trade contracts and such, but about a year ago her second in command – Mistress Denna – suggested a royal marriage to solidify peace between the nations for the sake of future generations."  
  
“And just like that you agreed?”  
  
“Well, I do need to find a mate eventually; the plan is sound and the benefits obvious. Plus the added bonus that any child she sires for me is guaranteed to be a girl. Thank you for that by the way; are the preparations almost done?”   
  
“Wait, what?”   
  
“The preparations, you know, for the…thing."  
  
“What thing?”  
  
“The thing Zedd,” Kahlan says with a ferocious blush. “The thing that will let Lady Rahl…you know...do the thing…”  
  
Zedd stares at her dumbly.  
  
“The thing that will let Cara Rahl impregnate me,” she says in a rush.  
  
“Oh, the thing, yes, it is coming along swimmingly, of course,” Zedd says, his panic growing under the surface.  
  
“Good, now I really must get back to the great hall, I have an audience with that infernal duke Eldwitch. I wonder what the bastard will come up with now."  
  
“I could always join you,” comes a voice from behind them, and Zedd is loath to admit that he jumped a bit. He almost jumps again when he sees who it is.  
  
“Mistress Denna, thank you for your offer but as annoying as the good duke is, I do not believe in unnecessary intimidation as a tool of government,” Kahlan replies coolly.  
  
“I wouldn’t dare,” the blond smiles a bit madly, at least in Zedds opinion. “But as the new consort to Lady Rahl we believe that a display of solidarity is an important step in solidifying the union between our two nations, having the Rahl’s second in command as your own body guard would achieve this nicely, at least for the first couple of weeks."  
  
“Very well,” Kahlan huffs. “But no crazy-eyes, Lord Antigon almost wet himself the last time you tried to help."  
  
“Of course Lady Consort, I shall try to abstain."  
  
“Hmm,” Kahlan hums disbelievingly. Denna just smiles her slightly crazed smile.   
  
Zedd watches them walk away with a small shaking of his head.  
  


  
Next he finds Dennee.  
  
“Has Denna found Kahlan?” she asks him before he has a chance to open his mouth.   
  
“Yes, I just saw them walk off together to the great hall."  
  
"Good."  
  
"Good?”  
  
“Yes, that woman might not have all her screws completely bolted but she is impressively efficient, and I have no intention of letting my sister get herself assassinated by some ladder-climbing aristocrat in a court I do not fully know yet.”  
  
“So you trust her? A Mord’sith?”  
  
“Yes, they have more than proven themselves in the final battle of haistgaurd, plus I’ve been working with her for a year now trying to arrange this thing.”  
  
“Amazing.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“That you would arrange for your sister to be wed to the person who…”  
  
“Who what?”  
  
“I…Never mind.”  
  
Dennee looks at him suspiciously.   
  
“Very well, keep you secrets wizard, just so long as the thing is ready by the end of the week."  
  
“What?”  
  
“The thing, you know...the _thing_."  
  
“Ah yes, the thing,” he coughs. “Would you by any chance know where Richard is?”  
  
“Who?”  
  
“Richard, my grandson.”  
  
“I have no idea.”  
  
“All right, I’ll keep looking.”   
  
She nodes her head and turns to leave. “Don’t forget about the thing,” she calls to him over her shoulder.


	3. Part III

Zedd finds Richard sitting in a meadow surrounded by sheep. He is merrily hugging a lamb.  
  
"Hello grandfather!"   
  
"Richard, I've been looking all over for you, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, my friend showed me this place, isn't it great! He promised me D'Haran sheep are the cuddliest but I didn't believe him, though I must admit that-"  
  
"Richard! We don't have time for this; you must go back to the palace and talk to-"  
  
"Richard? Who is that?" Zedd hears from a distance. He looks up and sees a tall blondish man who is so very tan that his leather clothes seem to merge with his skin; he is walking towards them with another lamb in his arms. Zedd squints his eyes trying to discern the identity of the other fellow – he seems so familiar. Spirits! Why, it's-  
  
"Oh hey Leo, come meet my grandfather."  
  
"Hello Richard's grandfather," Leo smiles happily. He lowers the second lamb to Richard's arms. "Try this one, it's ever more softer."  
  
"Oooh, aren't you the cutest!" Richard coos at the docile animal. "What's her name?"  
  
"Shirley."  
  
"Richard!" Zedd yells.  
  
Richard and Leo both stop their fawning and look up at Zedd.   
  
"We _don't_ have time for this," Zedd enunciates.  
  
"Don't worry Mr. Cypher sir, spring flooding in the mountains doesn't happen for two more weeks," Leo replies very politely.  
  
"What?" Zedd asks in an exasperated tone.  
  
"Yeah Gramps, we can afford to stay at least another week before we absolutely _have_ to leave." Richard adds.  
  
"Before...we leave?"   
  
"Oh yeah," Richard blushes. "Leo said he wanted to come with me to see Hartland, you know, to check out the lambs."  
  
"Well, after all your raving I simply _must_ experience it for myself," they grin at each other.  
  
Zedd just stares at them.   
  
A long moment passes without the young men's gazes never wavering from each other. Zedd's eyebrows slowly creep to the top of his hairline – not an easy feat considering his large forehead.  
  
"This is a disaster," he mutters and turns around.  
  
  
  
About halfway back to the people's palace he is stopped by a familiar voice.  
  
"What are you doing Zedd?"  
  
Zedd slowly turns around.  
  
"Shota."  
  
And true enough the witch is standing there, hair long and urban, dress black as night.  
  
"It figures you'd be connected to this somehow," Zedd mutters.  
  
Shota's face suddenly scrunches in anger. "Me? Connected? You arrogant old bastard! Not only do you play with Magic so Powerful it changes reality, now you blame me when it's time to face the consequences? Typical Wizard. No Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander, this is all _your_ doing. I'm just here to warn you to stop meddling any further less the next time you collapse reality instead of just shifting it."  
  
"But Shota-"  
  
"No 'buts' Zedd, you eat what you sow. Luckily, for whatever reason, this time the Spirits have been generous and the outcome not as catastrophic as it could have been, I guess Richard wasn't _that_ important..." she looks pointedly at him.  
  
"Oh do get on with it Shota."  
  
"My point is, the Keeper is pissed, he is sending his agent as we speak to try to recreate the cracks into the underworld that your reality had."  
  
"Baggs!" Zedd exclaims.  
  
"Don't worry though; I don't think it's that bad because I'm pretty sure he's sending Darken again."  
  
"We must do something! Tell Kahlan and Cara!"  
  
"Yes, that is what I was on my way to do when I saw you causing trouble again. I suggest that you let me handle this, you just run along and concentrate on finishing that thing."  
  
"What?"  
  
Shota gives him a pointed look.  
  
"Ah yes, the thing...what exactly is this _thing_ I'm supposed to be working on?"  
  
"Go to your lab Zedd, the one Lady Rahl has allotted to you in the people's palace, I think it will be quite _outstanding_ when you see it..."  
  
"Right then, well, I'll be speaking to you again," he warns.  
  
Shota just rolls her eyes.


	4. Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Cara is hopeless and needs a flock of Mord'sith to help her woo her wife.

Zedd is on his way to find his supposed lab when he spots Dennee and Denna in the garden behind a tree spying on what looks like a Mord'sith hustle taking place next to the Easternmost fountain.  
  
"What's going on," he joins in on them with a whisper.  
  
Denna's eyebrow is twitching while Dennee seems terribly amused. "Word's gotten out that you're almost done with The Thing," the Confessor informs Zedd. "In an effort to stave off a political fiasco, Lady Rahl has asked for the advice of one of her bodyguards on the subject of courting," the Confessor finishes mirthfully.  
  
"That was two hours ago," Denna hisses from between her teeth. "Since then every Sister that walks by joins the conversation to add her two coppers," she tusks. "Embarrassing. They look like a hen-house full of clunking chickens."  
  
"Very scary chickens," Dennee quips. "Possibly the most dangerous chickens in the known world."  
  
Denna throws her a dirty look; Zedd takes a peek from behind the Mord'sith's shoulder. Cara seems on the verge of bloody murder – he can practically _see_ the steam coming out of her ears.  
  
"Why doesn't she stop them?" he asks.  
  
"Because as much as this may seem _dishonorable_ ," Dennee bunny-quotes the word with her fingers. "I have a sneaking suspicion that our Lady Rahl really _is_ clueless as to how to court her new wife."  
  
"That's...actually really sweet," Zedd says.  
  
"A Mord'sith may choose to sacrifice greatly for the chance to glean crucial information, sometimes it is the only efficient path," Denna huffs an angry excuse.  
  
"So..." Dennee starts with a mischievous smirk. "How many Mord'sith _does_ it take to woo a Confessor?"  
  
"I am going to hurt you."  
  
  
  
Zedd leaves the odd couple to their spying and concentrates on finding his lab. It takes some wondering around and a bit of direction-taking from the various D'Haran soldiers scattered around the palace, but eventually he managed to locate the place.  
  
Not bad, he thinks to himself – spacious, high ceilings, many shelves filled with books, various nick-knacks and jars brimming with odd bits and pieces of fauna and flora.  
  
He turns around and spots an extremely sturdy looking oak table situated under one of the large frescoed windows. On it, in the middle, is a leather manikin of the lower-half and torso of a woman, and strapped to it is most definitely _The Thing_.  
  
"Oh my," breathes Zedd.  
  
  
  
Elsewhere, Lady Rahl of D'Hara takes a deep breath and goes over the battle plan once more.  
  
She is wearing her most splendid sleeveless vest, collar stiff, crimson and golden threads shining in the light of the setting sun; her tight black breaches are freshly pressed; her boots recently polished and her hair brushed to a gleaming quality before being arranged into its regular French-braid style.  
  
She looks down at the bouquet of flowers in her hand and suddenly has second thoughts.  
  
_This is pointless_ , she thinks. _There is no way this is going to work; and anyways, the Mother Confessor seemed like a pragmatic kind of girl_. Cara is sure that once The Thing is ready they could get this out of the way in a more efficient manner, one requiring much less fan-fair and...wooing.  
  
She sighs again and hears Raina's voice playing over in her mind once more, ' _just go for it Cara, you two are already married, what's the worst that could happen?'_  
  
_Famous last words,_ the blond thinks. Nevertheless she lifts her hand and knocks on the door she's been standing in front of for the last ten minutes.  
  
"Who is it?" she hears the muffled reply.  
  
Cara clears her suddenly parched throat, "It is I, Lady Cara Rahl of D'Ha-"  
  
"Oh hey," Kahlan opens the door with a smile, the light from within the room giving her a warm glow. "I thought I heard someone; what's up?"  
  
Cara's mind is quite literally blank. The Mother Confessor starts to get a worried look on her face as the moments slip on; eventually the blond has enough presence of mind to wordlessly shove the bouquet at the brunette's chest.  
  
"Oh, are these for me?" she looks down at the flowers and then back up at the Lady Rahl.  
  
Cara nods her head with a grave expression.  
  
"Thank you, they're very nice." She lifts them to her nose and inhales; she then looks at Cara expectantly.  
  
"Did you need anything?"  
  
Cara blinks. She then quickly kisses the Mother Confessor on the cheek, turns around, and just as quickly walks away, leaving Kahlan standing bewildered at her office door.  
  
  
  
Cara flees briskly. She finds Berdine hunched around the corner of the second corridor.  
  
"Did you ask her?" the Mord'sith stage-whispers.  
  
"What?" Cara asks.  
  
"Out. Did you ask her out?" the other woman asks under her breath.  
  
"..."  
  
"You forgot, didn't you?" the taller woman straightens up and crosses her arms.  
  
"No I...shit, I totally did."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Whatever, and why are you whispering anyways?"  
  
"How'd it go?" Riana asks, panting lightly after jogging up to the two of them. "Did she agree?"  
  
"Lady Rahl _forgot_ to ask," Berdine answers. Cara scowls.  
  
"I knew this was stupid," the blond mutters.  
  
"Well, did she at least like the flowers?" Riana asks.  
  
"I don't know. Wha- where are you going? Riana? Riana! Come back here!"  
  
Cara tries to tackle the dark haired Mord'sith but suddenly has to let go when she realizes how much noise their scuffle is making, the other woman slips away and takes up a position around the corner from the Mother Confessors door.  
  
Riana peers around to spot Kahlan still standing at the doorstep to her office, gently rubbing her cheek with a somewhat shocked expression. The brunette then looks down at the flowers still clutched in her hand and slowly a confused smile makes its way across her face.  
  
Riana turns around to look back at Berdine and a murderous looking Cara and gives them the thumbs up.


	5. Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter the Shardin

The next day's breakfast is a lively affair.  
  
Once again Cara and Kahlan are sitting opposite each other at the edges of the long dining hall table, but this time about a dozen Mord’sith and a dozen more Confessors are joining them, each group taking up one of the lengthy benches at either side of the table.  
  
"What’s this?" Zedd asks Dennee who is sitting to his right, a spot closer to Kahlan.  
  
"Well, seeing that the Mord’sith and Confessors have been moved under the same governmental branch, Denna and I decided that the troops should get to know each other. Breakfast gives them a neutral ground to do so as well as an opportunity to interact with their lieges."  
  
"That makes sense," Zedd agrees.  
  
"Yes well, after yesterday, Denna also said that she wanted to keep an eye out for Lady Rahl and what she calls the “chicken-house-forum", less they stir up more trouble."  
  
"A very sound idea, but I fear this time hijinks might be coming from the other direction."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He cants his chin towards Kahlan who has just risen and is making her way to the other end of the table. The two follow her with their eyes.

  
  
Cara is listlessly playing with her porridge, body leaning to the side, her arm resting with its elbow on the table and her cheek resting on the palm so heavily that it is scrunching up her left eye. That is probably why she doesn’t notice the Mother Confessor until she is standing right beside her.  
  
"So…" Kahlan starts, her eyes looking down – avoiding Cara’s – while her fingers play with the side of the table. "Do you want to do something later on today?"  
  
Cara looks up with a startled expression, her demeanor very much that of a deer-caught-in-the-light-of-a-very-hungry-Zedd’s-wizard’s-fire.  
  
"Ouch!" the blond jumps, her hand going under the table to rub at her shin. She then turns and glares to her right where Denna is sitting; the pale Mord’sith is ignoring her Rahl and instead looking at Kahlan – her eyes wide with the most fake look of innocence the Confessor has ever seen.  
  
"How about a hunting trip?" The Rahl’s second in command suggests. "I hear there’s a Shardin about in the woods to the north," she offers with a tight lipped smile.  
  
"Shardin?" Kahlan asks.  
  
"Y-Yes," Cara coughs. "A splendid idea, would you like to join me?" she looks at Kahlan.  
  
"Alright, but I must admit that I’m not very good with a bow."  
  
"Oh!" Cara perks up. "I can totally teach you! That is, if you’d like me to, if you have the time, I know you don’t really _need_ to know how to use a bow seeing as how you have an entire castle that can cook for you, and if all else fails you could always send in the army, though that would be silly – why would you need an entire army to go catch a single-"  
  
"I’d love to," Kahlan stops her with a hand on her arm and a smile on her face. "Say, four marks after noon-time?"  
  
"Sure," the blond pips.  
  
"Great, I’ll come find you."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
The brunette shuffles a bit. "Well, I really must go now so…um, goodbye."  
  
"Bye…" Cara watches her leave, twisting in her chair to follow her until the brunette is completely out of sight.  
  
"What?" she asks after turning back to the table to find her entire cohort silently staring at her.  
  
"Smooth, really smooth," Berdine deadpans.  
  
"Oh, like you could have done better."  
  
The taller blond smirks and crosses her arms, Raina who is sitting next to her, drapes herself over her companion and kisses her cheek after which she turns to Cara and bats her eyelashes.  
  
"Oh, Whatever," the Rahl rises with disgust and stalks out of the hall.  
  
"Be nice," Denna admonishes the pair. "We still need to get an heir out of this." She rises, "Halley, Rikka, you two are with me, we have about 6 marks to find ourselves a Shardin and set it loose in the northern forest."  
  
  
  
In the mean time Zedd barricades himself in his lab and tries to figure out how the damn _Thing_ works.  
  
“Baggs!" he exclaims.  
  
“Problems?" he hears behind him.  
  
“Shota! how on earth did you get in here? You know what, never mind, come over here and help me figure out this Thing".  
  
"Ah, the infamous _Thing,_ " the witch says while nearing the table and the manikin situated on top of it. "Clever. Refashioning it out of Lady Rahl's old Agiel will save time on making the magic personal to her, now all you have to do is find the switch the turns it from pain to pleasure. The harness is a nice touch too."  
  
"Yes, yes. It's all so very crafty. It is also wrong."  
  
"What's your problem?"  
  
"This entire world is my problem! I made a mistake-"  
  
"That made everything better," Shota finishes for him. "This _does_ happen sometimes, rarely, and I do loath to admit that anything you do turns out right, but sometimes Zedd you just have to roll with the punches and let life lead you to where it wants and not the other way around."  
  
Zedd grumbles.  
  
"So tell me now, what do we need to do to get this thing finished."  


 

* * *

  
  
"It's finished!" Zedd announces an hour later in the great hall, lifting a crimson velvet bag with a lumpy object inside of it.  
  
"And not a moment too soon," Denna says while stalking in to the room, looking a bit disheveled.  
  
"What happened?" Berdine asks.  
  
"Cara caught the Shardin," Halley replays coming up behind and to the right of the paler Mord'sith.  
  
"And then Rahl and the Lady Consort egged each other to have a taste," Rikka adds, appearing slightly to the left of her superior.  
  
"It...had an unusually potent reaction on the Lady Consort," Denna says while rubbing her forehead.  
  
"Ah yes," Dennee says cautiously. "Well, Kahlan _is_ the Mother Confessor, and she's been...repressed for quite awhile..."  
  
"Anyways," Denna says while snatching the bag from Zedd's hand. "Will this protect the Rahl from confession? Because I don't know how much longer we can keep them apart."  
  
Halley and Rikka nod vigorously behind her, they too look quite haggard.  
  
"Where are they now?" Dennee asks.  
  
"We managed to hog-tie them in separately locked rooms," Halley replies.  
  
"But lady Kahlan is very determined," Rikka says.  
  
"And lady Rahl is very shrewd," Denna adds.  
  
"And also very good with knots," Zedd says under his breath.  
  
"Take me to them, I'll sort this out," Dennee informs the lot.  
  
"What do you intend to do?" Denna asks.  
  
"Simple, throw The Thing into the room and then throw them in as well, they'll figure it out themselves."  
  
The Mord'sith and Confessor troop out of the hall in search of their incapacitated leaders.  


  
  
"I guess this was not a good time to inform everyone that Darken Rahl is back on the behest of the Keeper, eh?" Shota asks beside Zedd.  
  
"No, not quite."


	6. Part VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baw Chicka Wow wow

The royal bed is made of sturdy stuff. The frame consisting of thick padauk timber; the mattress – a dense cotton futon covered with black wolf pallets.  
It has seen many a Rahl perform many an activity on its generous breadth with nary a squeak to be heard. Alas, right now the mighty boards are screeching with the effort of structural integrity in the face of the pounding going about the sticky sheets.

  
  
Kahlan is on her back, thighs in a vice around Cara's waist; her hands clawing angry red lines down the blonds' back.  
The Mother Confessor has lost any semblance of control many moments ago and her all-out shrieks harmonize with Cara's effort-filled grunts. They are both so drenched with sweat they might as well have taken a bath together.

  
  
"Deeper!" the brunette hisses, she is crying with the intensity of her sensations. "Oh spirits, Cara, deeper!"

  
  
Cara grunts a labored and throaty sound, the muscles around her lower back and pelvises straining to pick up the pace and the thrust.  
Kahlan's hands reach the blonds' backside and she grips at the leather bands of the contraption strapped to her lover's nether region in an effort to pull her closer.

  
  
Cara has her face buried into the spot between Kahlan's neck and shoulder; her eyes and mouth are shut tight in concentration. Kahlan on the other hand has both her mouth and eyes open, though her eyeballs are nearly completely rolled back into her head.

  
They are close, so very close, the both of them. Their bodies shaking with need and exhaustion, long wild locks and disheveled braid sticking to sleek skin.

  
Suddenly the bedroom door bursts open, exploding in a flame of impressive green fire.

  
The couple freezes and look towards the noise in shock, but all they can see is greenish smoke and splinters slowly settling down.

  
"Oh my gods. Oh my gods, if that is Zedd I am going to kill him where he stands," Kahlan seethes with eyes wide open.

  
  
They disengage with a small groan from Kahlan, and reach for their respective weapons (which they always keep close by) – Cara removing her new set of royal Agiels from their leather holster, and Kahlan unsheathes the The Sword of Truth from its scabbard, the sword sounds its distinct metallic ting. She makes a note to herself to talk to one of her blacksmiths about it later, the annoying sound grates her like nails on a chalk board, and she wonders if she can find a way to dampen the damn thing.

  
When the smoke clears they are surprised to find not Zedd but-

  
  
"Yes! It is I! Darken Rahl!" the man says grandiloquently, his eyes still squinting through the smoke.

  
  
"Ahhh!" he suddenly squeals as he ducks the massive sword that had been flung at his head. The sword lodges into the wall behind him and he lifts his face to see two very naked, _very_ frustrated diarchs.

  
  
"Oh shit." He turns around and starts running.

  
  
Cara moves to pursue, only to be stopped mid leap by Kahlan who is gripping the back of her harness.

  
  
"Oh no you don't, I am not letting you run around the castle with nothing but a strap-on. You either get dressed and chase him properly or stay here and finish the job."

  
  
Cara freezes, her mind racing with the ultimatum.

  
  
"Screw this, we'll get him another time." She settles back into the brunette's arms. "Just remind me to buy a better door."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Zedd is ripped from his eating by the sound of a commotion.

  
  
"Ahhhhhh!" screams Darken Rahl as he flees past the entrance to the food-hall Zedd is sitting in. After a moment a flock of Mord'sith rushes past the archway as well – hot in pursuit of the flailing man.

  
  
Dennee, who has been sharing her evening meal with Zedd, quickly stands.

  
  
"Was that Darken Rahl?" she asks.

  
  
"Heavens it was! I didn't know he'd be here so soon. Quickly we must reach the boxes of Orden before he gets a chance to lay his hands on them!"

  
  
"The boxes of Orden? What are you talking about, those things where scattered away to safe-places almost four years ago."

  
  
"Uh...what? Are you serious?"

  
  
"Of course, who'd be mad enough to keep those things together?"

  
  
"But Kahlan could use them to rule over the land."

  
  
"Kahlan already rules over the land. She doesn't need magic to do that, she is not inept," the queen's sister answers angrily.

  
  
"Of course, you're right. Boy, will the Keeper be pissed when he realizes that the boxes have been separated."

  
  
"What are you talking about?"

  
  
"Never you mind my dear, never you mind."

  
  
"You are a very odd Wizard, do you know that?"

  
  
"As all Wizards should be."

  
  
"Huh, very well, come on – lets go help find that lunatic Darken."

 


	7. Part VII

Cara has been giving Kahlan flowers every morning for the last week.  
  
"You know, you two are very backwards," Dennee tells her after the blond and her host of bodyguards leave the breakfast table for their assorted duties.  
  
"Why do you say that?" Kahlan asks.  
  
"Well, first you get married, then you fool around, and now I do believe you're falling for each other. Most people I know do it in the reverse order."  
  
Kahlan blushes shyly. "She's very sweet."  
  
"See, I can't even tease you since you're already married. It's not fair," she smiles at her older sister.  
  
Kahlan smiles one of her happy smiles.  
  
"Sooo...sex. How was it?"  
  
"Dennee! I'm not telling," Kahlan replies to her in a hushed and scandalized voice.  
  
"You already did, loudly. It was even more audible after Darken blew up the door. I just want a more coherent recount of the event," The blond grins wickedly.  
  
Kahlan groans while touching her forehead down to the table and covering her head with her white confessor hood. Dennee just laughs and rubs her back.

 

* * *

  
  
Cara is at her neglected looking desk signing papers with one hand and holding her glass of orange juice to her lips with the other. She has discovered long ago that the only way she can survive the utter boredom of paperwork is to postpone as much of it as possible for as long as possible, up until the parchments - if stacked into one big pile - would theoretically reach about the height of a horses shoulder, then go through all of it at once with the help of high-sugar beverages.  
  
"Sooo... sex. How was it?" Berdine asks from her left.  
  
Cara sprays her juice on the treaty she was reading in one impressive sticky spurt.  
  
"That good, eh?" Raina quips with a grin from her other side.  
  
"We are not going to discuss this" Cara says in a no-nonsense tone.  
  
"Why not?" Berdine asks honestly.  
  
"Kahlan wouldn't like it." The blond answers curtly, trying to dry-pat the sullied document with one of her vest's coattails.  
  
"Kahlan wouldn't like it?" Raina repeats with laughter in her voice.  
  
Cara lifts her head from her drying task to glare at the brunette. The cheeky Mord'sith's smile widens but she bites her tongue. Cara goes back to signing treaties, grumpily ignoring the two other occupants of the room when they mirthfully high-five each other over her head.  
  


  
* * *

  
  
Shota and Zedd are drinking tea and eating a hog's leg respectively at Ambros' when Denna suddenly drops into the third unoccupied chair at their table.  
  
"Darken managed to get away by jumping over the castle wall and into the moat."  
  
"Why didn't your fanatic underlings pursue him?" Shota asks.  
  
"Eh," the blond shrugs her shoulders. "The sludge in that ditch is hell on leather – it wasn't worth it; and anyways, Halley managed to get a good chunk out of Darkens' hair when we were chasing him around. Can you do a locator spell for me?"  
  
"Sure. I'll just finish my hog's leg," Zedd answers.

  
  
An hour later Zedd finds a host of 40 Mord'sith and Confessors about to mount their horses at the palace gates.  
  
"Where is he?" Denna asks.  
  
"About three marks worth of riding to the north of here in a small cave by Red-Fish pond," answers the wizard. "Shouldn't we be fetching Kahlan and Cara for this?"  
  
"Nah," Answers Dennee from her large black horse while guiding the beast closer to them. "Every time that fool sees either of them he starts monologuing. It's really quite annoying."  
  
"Also they're on a date," Halley whispers to him from close by. "No Shardin this time, Cara's on her own for conversation topics," She adds.  
  
"Should we stay behind?" Rikka asks her.  
  
"No. now get on your horses you chickens," Denna interrupts the two. "Zeddicus," she nods at the wizard and turns her mount around.  
  
Zedd watches as the red and black unit rides out of the gates in a cloud of dust. 

  
"Well, we're off," he hears from his right.  
  
Zedd turns his head to see Richard and Leo coming out of the smithy carrying loaded backpacks and walking sticks.  
  
"Are you sure you don't want to come with us grandfather?" Richard asks.  
  
"You know what my boy? I think I'll join you after all," Zedd smiles. "Yes, that sounds like an excellent idea." He pats his grandson's shoulder.  
  
"I don't think I'm really needed her anymore."  
  


 

  
~ _Nine months later_ ~

 

  
  
Kahlan is sitting on her throne at the main hall in Aydendril, she is just finishing her last judgment before the mid-day break when she spots red leather in the back of the room. Denna is looking to her with a beseeching expression.  
The Mother Confessor wraps up the last of the proceedings and hurries over to the blond.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"My queen, we need your help," the Mord'sith says in a serious tone. "She's locked herself in the northern tower."  
  
Kahlan sighs and rubs at her eye. "Not again...fine, meet me there with the usual stuff."  
  
"At once my queen," Denna says, happy to scurry off and do the Mother Confessors bidding.

  
  
When Kahlan reaches the topmost room of the northern-most tower she finds a gathering of Mord'sith already there, worriedly lurking about the door.  
  
"How long has she been in there?" she asks.  
  
"Only about an hour," Dennee answers.  
  
"What are _you_ doing here?" she asks her sister.  
  
Dennee sighs. "Denna made me promise not to move until either she or you arrive; can I go now?" she asks exasperatedly.  
  
"Yes, thank you. I'll handle it from here," Kahlan smiles and rubs her sister's arm when she passes her to leave.  
  
She turns around to see that the Mord'sith have wordlessly parted to allow her access to the door, Kahlan kneels in front of it and puts her forehead to the wood.  
  
"Sweetie, can I come in?"  
  
No answer. She tries again.  
  
"I just finished my duties for the morning and I would really like a hug, please let me in, I miss you."  
  
She hears a sniffle from the other side and is about to say more when she is stopped by a silent tap on her back. She looks up at Denna who has returned and is now standing at her shoulder with a tray piled with honey-muffins on one side and salted pickles on the others. Kahaln is pleased to note that the cook remembered to make sure that the two condiments don't touch each other.  
  
"I've brought you some food," she says to the door.  
  
"What food?" comes the muffled reply.  
  
"Your favorites, please let me in."  
  
There's a sound of shuffling from within and Kahlan is amused to note that her entire host of Mord'sith spectators are holding their collective breaths while the door cracks open with a squeaky sound.  
I tanned hand reaches out and Kahlan dutifully puts the tray on it. "Can I come in?" she asks gently.  
  
"No." The crack closes.  
  
"But why?" she asks while trying to hold back a frustrated smile from her voice.  
  
"Because I'm unattractive and fat and I don't want you to see me."  
  
"But I love you."  
  
"Nobody loves meeeee," the voice breaks down in a wail. "I'm hideous!"  
  
Kahlan sighs and rubes her eyes and forehead. Good spirits, she thinks, Cara and pregnancy-hormones are a _ridiculous_ combination. 

  
They were all surprised when the royal couple found out that Zedd's little contraption had impregnated the blond instead of the Mother Confessor. But what was even more befuddling was the potency of the effect the pregnancy was having on Cara's disposition.  
Kahlan softly bangs her head on the door.  
  
"Please sweetie, I need to go back to my meetings soon, I really want to see you beforehand."  
  
"You won't laugh at me?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
The door opens. Cara is sitting on a fur palette next to the door. _Good_ , Kahlan thinks. _At least she remembered to sit on something warm this time_. The blondes' face is red and blotchy with tears but it cannot diminish from her glowing loveliness. Regardless of all the drama, being with child has made the Lady Rahl's beauty even more apparent. Her bronzed skin has become even smoother and her hair more shiny; her body has not visibly gained any fat other than her colossal bump of a belly.  
  
Shota says it's twins. Kahlan can't wait.

  
  
The minute Kahlan closes the door behind her, her wife flies into her arms. The brunette spots the empty tray on the floor, hmm, she must have been hungry.  
  
"Are you okay?" she coos.  
  
The blond head under her chin nods.  
  
"Do you want me to stay?"  
  
Another nod.  
  
"Okay, let me just send word to Dennee and we can spend the day in." She goes to the door and takes a minute to send word to her sister. When she turns back her wife is staring at her with a very odd expression.  
  
"Kahlan, I think it's time," she says in the most serious and sober voice the brunette has heard from her in months.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yes, my water just broke, please send word to the midwife," Cara answers in a serene yet focused tone.  
  
"Okay," Kahlan says and helps her partner to a chair; she is relived to note that the act of delivery seems to have instantly cured her wife from her months-long bout of hysterics.  
Her smile slips a bit when she opens the door to a crowd of anxious looking, leather-wearing dominatrixes and realizes that the same cannot be said for their Mord'sith guardians.  
  
Ah well, she sighs, another one of life's little adventures.  
  


 

  
**Epilogue**

 

  
  
~ _10 years later_ ~  
  
  
"Then what happened?" asks a voice.  
  
"Then the Evil Darken ran away," Cara answers.  
  
"Why didn't you chase him?" asks another.  
  
"I was very busy, and anyways I wanted to give the other Mord'sith a chance to play," the Lady Rahl replies.  
  
"What were you doing in the room?" asks the youngest sounding participant.  
  
"...playing checkers."  
  
"What happened to the Evil Darken?" asks the first voice.  
  
"Eventually aunty Denna caught up to him and held him down while aunty Dennee confessed him," finishes Cara.  
  
"Yay!" squeal her five daughters in union.  
  
"What did she make him do?" asks the youngest.  
  
"She actually gave him as a present back to aunty Denna – for helping her take him down."  
  
"And what did aunty Denna do?" asks one of the twins.  
  
"She killed him and burnt his body."  
  
"Ooooooh," they all utter in tandem.  
  
  
"All right you guys, time for bed," Kahlan says while walking into the room with a smile.  
  
"Awww," comes the chorus – complete with synchronized pouts, one of them belonging to her beloved wife.  
  
"Come on sweetie, we have about 18 interviews to deal with tomorrow," she admonishes the blond.  
  
The Lady Rahl raises heavily from the bottom half of the twins' tiny bunk-bed, where she's been lounging for the last half hour. She looks over to her host of blond and brunette daughters with a found smile.  
  
"So I've been thinking," she says while eyeing her wife's protruding belly. "Since this time you're the one to carry the child, maybe she won't turn out to be a confessor – seeing as all the ones I've carried have," she says with a kiss to the brunette's cheek and a look back at her progeny, who are all dutifully settling in for the night. _Such good girls_ , she thinks.  
  
"Maybe," Kahlan smiles at her wife's weird logic.  
  
"In that case," the blond moves her hand from behind her back, showing the other woman the tiny garment she's been hiding there.  
  
"No Cara, we are not dressing our future new-born in a tiny Rahl vest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more crack from the LJ tags when this thing was still on LJ:
> 
> *Cue woosh sound and then a sound of something metal hitting something heavy.*
> 
> TV-voice guy: "Next time on Unbroken Redux, the return of Darken Rahl!"
> 
> Darken: "Ah ha ha ha ha, I've got you now my pretties! and your little gar too!"
> 
> Camera pan to the biggest, cleanest Gar you've ever seen complete with pink bow on its head, and 6 adorable little girls, all looking at him with adorably serious little frowns.  
> All of their eyes are completely black, even the toddlers.
> 
> Darken: "Oh shit" turns around and runs off.
> 
> Cara & Kahlan (who are tied together at the corner of the room): "Well, this seems awfully familiar".
> 
> Fade to black.
> 
>  
> 
> More notes:  
> The Gar’s name is Binky, he was accidently confessed by Ella (the toddler) when he was sent to abduct her by Darken.
> 
> After much persuasion and puppy-dog eyes, the kids managed to persuade Kahlan to allow them to keep him, but only on the condition that they be in charge of his baths (Of course in the end that never happens, and Denna ends up having to wash the damn beast every weekend instead of the girls. Though lately she finds that she doesn’t mind, because she’s been noticing Dennee spying on her cleaning-sessions from a window at the easternmost tower. She’s made it a point to wear progressively fewer clothes every time, and is now down to her torture short-shorts and a wife-beater. She thinks one more session and Dennee might be joining her to “help”).
> 
> Also, A few weeks ago Cara found out that Binky is a long-tail Gar (they can speak) when she walked by the garden where the twins were having a tea party with him and two more stuffed animals, apparently Binky enjoys such activities and has recently adopted a British accent to better play the part of Miss Flower-pot the countess of earl-grey.


End file.
